Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
