how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
