Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
