Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
