You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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