Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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