the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize