Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
