The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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