I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
