think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize