Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
