so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
