i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
