Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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