Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
