I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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