The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
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Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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