I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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