I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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