I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
