i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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