I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
