I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I love you. Go after that dick
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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