Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
