Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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