Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
