He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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