Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
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Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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