help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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