why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
