Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
