i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
