So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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