After last night, I could never be a politician.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
