I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
