wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
