Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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