I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
