Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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