Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This house was built for laser tag.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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