Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
