A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
