bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
