I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You need a sexual gate keeper
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
