You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
