i jhust puked up my retainher.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
