I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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