There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
