david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
