took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize