Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
