I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
