New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
