Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
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He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Watching her eat just hurts me
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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