The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
