Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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