I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
