I accidentally burped into my bong.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
