i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
