So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
